Research papers can be a hazard...!

...to my sanity, that is! No, this isn't your typical college student rant about gargantuan homework loads or lousy professors, though I'm quite certain I could compose such a reading if I was asked.

I have a research paper due this semester, and I chose to write about preventing juvenile delinquency. The more I researched, my feelings towards the issue became all the more vivid and poignant. Pardon my french, but who in the hell decided we should put kids as young as 7 or 8 years old away for life, without a chance of parole?! We're sending babies to prison! Granted, I'm not dismissing lethal behavior or averting personal responsibility, but who, being of right mind, can look on a very young child commiting very adult crimes and not see a victim of extreme hurt themselves?

With that, here's a little something I had to say...in "scholarly writing," of course:

"Children and teens do not stumble into delinquency or a life of crime by mere happenstance. Rather, most youth that have been labled as "criminals" are often products of a failed social system: absent and self-absorbed parents, under-budgeted school systems which intend to pass the baton of responsibility for social ills on to the justice system in the name of  "zero tolerance" policies, supposedly aimed at "safer education", and communities who assume no obligation for their cities youngest residents. Moreover, juvenile offenders are often faced with ample time and inadequate adult attention, supervision, and intervention. Given this lethal combination, today's societal trends all but endorse delinquency."

I'm not angry; I'm motivated! Do the up-and-coming generation a favor and love on a child. :-)

I am not sorry!

Have you ever noticed how often the phrase, "I'm sorry" is used in everyday conversations?

I am currently working my way out of the, "I'm sorry" rut. Last fall I was working on a project in an entry way, and every time someone would pass through and say, "excuse me," my immediate response was, "oh, I'm sorry". After about my 100th apology, a man stopped and explained I had absolutely nothing to be sorry for, and furthermore, I needed to quit apologizing. (His explanation was much more eloquent and life changing, but I'm paraphrasing here.) The rest of that particular evening and on throughout the continuation of the project, I had to make a conscious effort not to apologize; not because I was attempting to appease someone, but because the light bulb finally clicked in my head that my life is not one giant inconvenience to humanity and I shouldn't have to make amends for breathing fresh air.

Why are excessive "I'm sorries" such a big deal? After all, I can think of at least ten other phrases that are at least a hundred times worse (Go ahead and do the math on that one!) For starters, when "I'm sorry" becomes as frequent and familiar as brushing one's teeth or fixing one's hair, it voids an actual and necessary apology of any value. Secondly, it can keep the apologetic in a place of guilt and fighting a constant battle of self-worth; nobody wants to live there.

Fast forward five or six months and I still haven't got a complete handle on the issue at hand, but I'm making some serious headway. Once I started being aware of my own issue, I realized it's an epidemic for others as well. Like me, some people apologize for the most absurd, out of anyone's control type of things, to which I respond with my little nugget of new-found insight. I can't say I'm chaning the world, but it's reasonable to think (and hope) that someone somewhere will benefit.

Where is the love?

I'm afraid society has failed.

I am a people watcher by nature. Maybe I'm nosey, but I have always been intrigued by how people "work" and what makes them tick. Yesterday, the gang and I were out for lunch and I observed a couple who, if I had to make an educated guess, were partaking in an extra-marital bite to eat. Hopefully I'm way off the rector scale with that presumption, but what was explicitly clear was his lack of respect for her. From the moment they walked through the front door, his needs, wants, and whims were made priority while she was made to be his servant (and I'm not talking healthy humility here, trust me...)

Fast forward a few hours and Leann and I found ourselves at a local bar enjoying some welcomed adult time. It was an odd set-up, so we sat on one side of a glass wall, while other tables lined the other side. The man on the other side visually inspected every crevice of my body...except my face. Back on our side of the fishbowl, there was a couple who were hard to miss, with all thanks to young "love." They enjoyed each other most of the evening, but when the bill came, she enjoyed her own tab. Maybe I'm rushing to assumption too quickly, but I see this trend all too often.

I may sound like I'm spewing "man disgust," but I'm honestly not trying to attack anyone. What I am spewing is my disappointment in society as a whole. Why do we allow ourselves to treat our partners like yesterday's trash, be it man or woman? When did relationships loose their zeal in totality?

Divorce is at an all-time high, domestic abuse has sky-rocketed, and the human race seems to be digressing as a whole when it comes to how we treat our supposed loved ones. There must be an answer...

My proposition? I'm so glad you asked! Parents need to stand up and start doing what they were meant to do in the first place- love their spouses and live an example worthy of repeating, and loving, teaching, training, their offspring would be a good next step. Educators needs to quit turning a blind eye to bullying and start demanding respect in the classrooms and hallways of our school systems. Churches need to start teaching their congreations how to be lovers with the same tenacity they approach issues like premartial sex, and the media needs to adopt some standards, period.

The definition of insanity is doing to the same action repeatedly, but expecting a different result. If we don't start standing up, breaking the mold, and putting an end to these viscious cycles, I'm not sure we'll ever see profitable change.

Rest for the weary

Okay, so maybe that's a little dramatic, but this Spring Break has been the best yet!

For starters, it's the first Spring Break in at least four years that I haven't been to our Louisiana office to prepare for our annual audit- that in an of itself it cause for celebration!

This break has been particularly special though...My godson, Bryce, was born about three weeks ago, and he and his beautiful mom live in Indianapolis, so I've had the great pleasure of driving up for a visit. Inevitably, it has been wonderful soaking in time with one of my best friends and adjusting to my new job title as a god mom, but aside from the obvious, this week has been one of total rest (1 and 5 am feedings included!)

The past four days, the only responsibility I've had has been an easy one: spoil the baby! Yes, I'm thankful for my job; it has afforded me the opportunity to travel. I'm thankful for the chance to obtain a higher education; it's aiding me in securing my future; I'm thankful for all my extra-cirriculars; they keep me sane, but I am equally thankful for time to relax, recharge, and readjust my head on my shoulders.

Lately, I've allowed myself get so caught up in the day-to-day said "fiascos" that I'm afraid I've missed out on a lot of what is really important. I never want to regress to a place of just getting by. Life is an occasion, and I'm ready to rise to it!

"Life is full of beauty. Notice it. Notice the bumble bee, the small child, and the smiling faces. Smell the rain, and feel the wind. Live your life to the fullest potential, and fight for your dreams."
-Ashley Smith

A penny for my thoughts

"This is my wish for you: Comfort on difficult days, smiles when sadness intrudes, rainbows to follow the clouds, laughter to kiss your lips, sunsets to warm your heart, hugs when spirits sag, beauty for your eyes to see, friendship to brighten your being, faith so that you can believe, confidence for when you doubt, courage to know yourself, patience to accept the truth, love to complete your life."
-Author Unknown

I don't know any Irish blessings, but in celebration of St. Patrick's Day, I thought the above mentioned to be of at least "honorable mention" value.

What is comfort? Who defines beauty? How do you know true, life-completing love?

I don't have an answer to those questions, in part, because each of us has to discover them on our own. We were created so individual and so unique. What makes me smile may not invoke the same reaction from you, and vice versa, but that's beside the point. The point is smiling. The point is having faith. The point is truth.

Dare to know yourself! You are worth the discovery!

When words are few

"Nothing makes us so lonely as our secrets." - Paul Tournier

I happened across this quote last night before I slipped into bed, and I was convinced it would result in some earth-shaking, thought provoking awesomeness that is my blog... Not.

After hours of tossing, turning, contemplating, weighing, and intense thinking, I have nothing to say, nothing to add, and no words of further inspiration to impart.

Sometimes, it's best to let the words speak for themselves. I'll add that to my pocket notebook entitled, "lessons learned", and sleep better tonight.

Do you recognize victory?

I feel like a new woman this morning!

Today's been a day of declaration, and I really like the phrase, "fake it 'til you make it." It's dangerous to say so, because I don't want to birth the idea that I believe we all have to walk around living in fake and constantly putting on fronts to appease every Jack and Jill who crosses our paths, because I don't buy that for a second.

What I do buy into is the idea that you get out of life what you put into it. If I choose to wake up after a series of difficult days and think to myself, "Gee, I might as well not even get out of bed today. Yesterday was bad, the day before that was worse, and today probably won't be much better," that is precisely what I'm going to get. BUT, if I choose to wake up after those sames series of difficult days and declare, "Today is a new day, and I will make the most of it! I will not be defeated!", my odds of actually having a good day sky-rocket. Initially, will I have to force myself to believe it? Maybe. Will I still face battles and encounter hardship? Probably. Will I still have to fight to keep my attitude in check? Most definitly, but I get to choose.

So, how has today gone? Great! I made it out of bed (on-time, for that matter!), put on the most sun-shiney spring dress I could find, spent the morning soaking in a gender-battle victory with some wonderful ladies (it's not as weird as it sounds...Bible study attendance, people...and the women brought it this morning!) received some much needed encouragement that put my mind at ease, and sang with the birds as I waltzed into the library to tackle a research paper.

I am happy, healthy, and at peace; nobody gets to steal that from me.

A lasting legacy

I've spent a great deal of time today laughing, tearing up, and smiling. The reason, you might ask? My deceased grandfather...

My grandfather was no ordinary man. He had the patience of a saint, and he was, hands down, the most meticulous man I have ever met. If he had been a blood relative, there would be zero questions as to where my extreme organization skills came from (though, I seem to be lacking in this department lately, but I digress...).

Throughout his seven month battle with cancer, he was the epitome of good examples. Even on his very worst of days, he was someone to be admired; he left a legacy.

A few blogs back, I posted about importance of seeing people: my grandfather did just that. He would spend days on end in the hospital or local nursing facility, but instead of being caught up with his own needs, wants, aches, or pains, he would be geniunely concerned with those around him. He loved my grandmother and was constantly aware of her well-being. He would try and send any of us home if we came to spend long hours with him because we had school...or work...or church...or baseball...or this...or that going on, and we needed to get our rest. He was every nurse's favorite patient because he never asked for anything.

I wish I had the time of day to write every funny story, comical instance, hair-raising moment, and good memory, because I could probably fill pages. What I can say is that I'm thankful: thankful for a grandfather who loved us, even though he wasn't bound by blood to such a commitment; thankful for a grandfather who filled my heart with inspriation and taught me what it really is to be courageous; thankful for man who will pleasantly live on in my heart as long as it's beating.

"The legacy of heroes is the memory of a great name and the inheritance of a great example."
-Benjamin Disraeli, British Prime Minister

Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock.

I've given a lot of thought to the concept of time lately. One of my favorite catch-phrases is, "If only there were more hours in a day!", but for the most part, I'm glad I've never seen that request come to full fruition.

The truth is, time is often an overlooked jewel. Last year when the doctors diagnosed my grandfather as a terminal patient, time was precious. As we drove to the hospital in December after my brother tried blowing his hand off, time was precious. Saturday, when I rolled out of bed 7:42am and needed to leave the house no later than 7:45am, time was precious.

Sometimes I find myself asking, "Where has this day gone?", "Where has this week gone?", or "Where has this year gone?" and I wonder if I'm making the most of the time I've been given. Granted, I'm sure I'm guilty of wasting a few minutes every day (thank you, facebook!), but what about the grander scheme of things? In what areas of life am I dragging my feet, and what can I do to better move forward? Where do I need to make adjustments so that my priorities are where they should be?

As humans, we reap what we sow; there is no getting around or away from it. I don't know about you, but I want to "sow" my time smartley (Yes, as a matter of fact, I did just make that word up!) Now is the time for no regrets!

I do not like green eggs and ham!

This day in history, 1904, the world welcomed a literary genius, Mr. Theodor Geisel, to the planet. That's right, today is Dr. Seuss' birthday!

I have been fasinated with Dr. Seuss ever since I can remember. Growing up, my brother's two favorite books were Green Eggs and Ham and Hands, Hands, Fingers, Thumb. In a bind, I'm pretty sure I could still recite every line of both...

Last year in my comp. class, I wrote an essay on famous figures I'd like to share dinner with; Dr. Seuss made the guest list. Maybe it's the English nerd in me, but I can think of few people that would be as interesting as he. I mean, afterall, anybody that can write a best seller titled "One Fish, Two, Red Fish, Blue Fish" has got to have some serious inspiration to impart.

Speaking of inspiration, here are some "nuggets" he left behind:

"You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You're on your own. And you know what you know. You are the guy who'll decide where to go."

"I have heard tehre are troubles of more than one kind. Some come from ahead and some come from behind. But I've bought a bat. I'm all ready you see. Now my troubles are going to have troubles with me!"

"I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living. It's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, and that enables  you to laugh at life's realities."

Hats to you, Dr. Seuss!

It's good to see!

You know, people are important. Generally, I tend to do well at "seeing" those who are involved in my everyday life, but a few weeks ago I decided it was time to, "up the ante" and take this seeing business to the streets. I want to take the time to notice the girl behind the cash register, the man that serves my dinner, and the intelligent but overly talkative kid that I sit next to in history class.Who are they, and how can I make them feel recognized and valuable? After all, God is about people, so I should follow suit.

Yesterday, I got the privilege of  putting this idea to practice. After a turn of events, I found myself at home instead of the campus library, and I was just about to get settled when the doorbell rang. A woman whom I'd only met once before stood in front of me, and she needed help. Her initial request was for a ride, but as the moments passed, I quickly realized what she really needed was the time of day. What was originally going to be a ten minute ride across town turn into ninety minutes of listening to a woman that many would classify as broken or beyond repair. Throughout our conversation, I had two choices: I could see her for who she is and who she has the potential to become, or I could deem her as defined by her mistakes and cast her aside.

We live in a society that is too caught up on people's hang-ups to be concerned with their true identity. Sure, this is life, and some people will unfortunately choose to remain in a cycle of failure and defeat, but then there are those who show up on your front porch, actively seeking a better way. May we never be so far removed from our own faults that we turn them away.


"You are more than the choices that you've made,
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,
You've been remade."
-Tenth Avenue North