Way back from yesteryear

I'm working on new material for you, my lovely readers. Until then, here's one of my favorite pieces from way back. Thankfully, none of this nonsense came to fruition, as she was later diagnosed with, "fake pregnancy." Who knew dogs could lactate due to a hormone imbalance? Anyhow, enjoy.

There's pregnant, and then there's porker!

Did you know that large breeds of dogs can have up to TWELVE puppies? Twelve. That's "doce" in Spanish, in case you didn't catch the sheer terror in my voice the first time around.

Much to my shock and dismay, Precious hasn't been so sweetly. We had a deal; if she kept her dress down I would spare her the pain of the, "snippety snip." Well, the joke's on me...at least until it's time to deliver.

Since I've had time to adjust to the fact I'm about to have a dozen more costly dependents and had to can all my pending travel arrangements, I have finally let minimal excitement set in. I mean, when is the last time you saw an ugly puppy?

In lieu of recent revelations, I've made significant changes to senorita preggo's daily diet, such as a necessary increase in caloric consumption. I've found even the most finicky eat has a soft spot for dog food smothered in warm cream of chicken soup. However, if it's cold, you can forget it.

The porker on the other hand, doesn't have the first qualm about eating three times a day. In fact, she's lobbying for a midnight snack, but I'm standing my ground. Under normal circumstances, it takes an act of Congress to get the fat little angle out of bed any time past breakfast, but make no mistake about it, break out the chicken soup and she is on her way.

So there you have it. Pregnant, porker, and soon to be pauper. Life is good.